"The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
September 24, 2014
By: Linda Case Gibbons
I thought it was interesting.
Nobody’s been able to locate Lois Lerner’s lost e-mails for, what is it? More than a year?
But somehow, somebody came across this letter. I don’t know how, but it’s a letter of recommendation. It surfaced last week.
No names are mentioned, so I can’t be sure who wrote it or who the letter is for.
Have a gander and see what you think.
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
I am pleased to offer this as a letter of recommendation for my friend and colleague. He has to leave his current position pretty fast...before November 4, 2014, to be exact.
I have known this man since someone introduced us a few years ago, I think it was a friend of a friend, maybe Valerie Jarrett. Could have been Bill Ayers. I can’t remember.
Anyhow, the gentleman I am recommending to you has a pretty big job. I won’t mention his name because he is a very sensitive person, always thinks people are "out to get him.” But that’s a whole other kettle of fish.
Let me, instead, tell you about him and what he has done in his current position.
When we first met, I was impressed by his focus. Everything to him was either black or white, and I do mean everything.
He made every decision strictly from that point of view, and I mean every decision. And that has never changed.
He is a solid performer, never transparent – about anything.
If you have a secret, he can keep that secret to beat the band.
In fact he has kept secrets from millions of people. Never breathed a word, even when people asked.
Some of those people said he should have told them, that it was his job to tell them what was going on.
But he didn’t, and I liked that about him.
I liked that he would ignore what I wanted ignored. What could be better than that? And he’d do whatever I wanted done, no matter what it was.
Did I mention that he’s a real animal lover? Loves panthers. Not so much for pigs.
Of course you know he is an attorney. But what an attorney! He gives new meaning to Judge Sol Wachtler’s famous quote that a grand jury would "indict a ham sandwich” if it wanted to.
My guy? He could indict a ham sandwich, complete with cheese, tomato and a pickle on the side.
He can make a case out of nothing and, conversely, he can make a case go away, disappear into thin air. If he wanted to.
He can indict a lowly journalist as a "co-conspirator in a spy ring!”
Not for really real, of course, but long enough to get a warrant, check out the guy’s e-mails and contacts, that sort of thing. It’s all harmless except for those people who insist on finding fault with everything!
And you know the people I mean.
The bottom line is that you can point him in the direction you want him to go, and he’ll go. No, not to the border. To important places to check out things, like local small town trials, small town local police behavior, sheriffs here and there, stuff that interests him.
You could always count on him to keep his priority ducks in a row.
Now you’re probably asking yourself: This guy sounds awesome, a devoted public servant. What are his faults?
Well, I guess there are a few. They never bothered me that much because they all spring from his passion for protecting what he believes needs protecting. And from his equal passion for not protecting what he doesn’t care about.
I think that’s a good quality in a person, but some people don’t.
Anyway he also has this thing that he does, he tells the same story about something that happened to him about a gazillion years ago and he tells it over and over. The same story.
It’s about him, getting stopped, in his car, by a cop. You’ll know it when you hear it. You may even have already heard it. He’s told it just about every time he’s made a speech anywhere.
Just humor him. It may sound like he’s whining and that he has a thing against cops, but that’s not what it is.
He just wants to warn folks about folks who are out to get them. It’s not his job to do that, but it’s that passion I talked about, the passion to serve and protect, some people.
He is an ardent defender of the right to vote, and some say he may carry it a little too far. But I don’t. I know it’s because he cares. He’s committed! Why he has even sued states he says were trying to disenfranchise voters. Who but him would have thought of that? Okay, maybe I would have.
But sometimes I say to him, "Dude! You’re a history major! Don’t you get it that it’s not the 1950’s! The Civil War is over! All folks can vote now!”
But it doesn’t do much good.
He’s determined to defend, some people.
If a couple of citizens make a mistake, like trying to help voters decide how to vote, and maybe they get a little too close to the polling place…with billy clubs, he feels it’s his responsibility to err on the side of protecting them.
It’s just an excess of enthusiasm on their part, he says. Nothing to launch a federal lawsuit over, he says.
He’s also passionate about gun control. A little too much, some might say, but I don’t.
He thinks you should only be able to carry a gun if you’re in a "militia.” Yes, he knows about the Second Amendment, but he doesn’t agree with it.
And it’s his right not to agree, darn it!
The problem is he did this thing with guns and Mexico. Well, it didn’t turn out right. He lost the guns, couldn’t keep track of them. It was kind of a mess.
But even that he did with his customary passion! He went at it with a vengeance. He was fast, he was furious. Unfortunately it just didn’t pan out.
And he never wanted to talk about it. So we didn’t.
There are a lot of federal laws he doesn’t like, including some concerning our borders. So he doesn’t enforce them. Some might blame him, but I can’t. I don’t enforce them either.
And he doesn’t like prosecuting "Islamic terrorists” and never refers to them that way. Some might blame him for that, but I can’t. I don’t call them Islamic terrorists either.
He thinks, and I totally agree, that rules were made to be broken! So what if it’s the U.S. Constitution and federal laws? Lighten up!
Oh, yeah, I forgot. He has this habit of saying "I don’t know” a lot. "I don’t know. I don’t know.” It gets repetitious and annoying, especially to the Congressional Committees asking him questions, but I guess there are worse things.
So that’s about it for his shortcomings. No big deal.
On the off chance you find you don’t want to hire him, don’t sweat it. He has to be out by November 4, 2014, that’s true, for reasons I can’t disclose. But whatever you decide, it isn’t a problem!
If this job falls through, don’t worry about it. I have my eye on him for the Supreme Court.
Yours Very Truly,
Hold the line, America.